My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
