I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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