So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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