so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
