I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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