So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I die, sorry about rent.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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