Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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