well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
