If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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