and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
