dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
