I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
