i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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