I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are all done wearing pants today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
