The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
