How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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