The maid of honor just puked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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