I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
