I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
