i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
