Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
