She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
