so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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