Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
