I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
