Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
