I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
