What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
