I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
