I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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