OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
why is half of my head shaved?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
