so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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