I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
