honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
