I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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