how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
