OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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