I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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