He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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