He uses pillows to masturbate.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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