I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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