haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
