'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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