I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
