Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
