he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
