I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
