It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
