dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My liver just broke up with me...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
