She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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