____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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