Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
