"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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