oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
