This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
