Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
