No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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