i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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