Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
