Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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