just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think i got beer on your cat.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
