Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
