I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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