see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
