Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
