I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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