She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
