You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
